Fearless

I'm not much for New Year's Resolutions. I never have been. Sure, I've made a few half-minded goals that I set aside and forgot about long before I even tried to resolve them. Most of them to change life-long habits; habits that will never change no matter how many January 1's I see. None of them ever to change my life, just my actions. It's easy to go on a diet for a few days, to say you're going to finally get around to finishing all of the books you forgot to read, to be a better person, in general -- whatever that means. A pessimist by heart and a cynic by choice, I can see the piles of ashes from the bridges I built with resolutions and then immediately left behind to burn.

But this year, I have one. It's been haunting me for the past few weeks. I know -- the grinch who cried no resolutions, had an epiphany: I want to be fearless. 

I know I live a lot of my life pictorially through this blog. It seems brave, doesn't it? To put daily photos and thoughts out there for the world to see. (More importantly, my grandmothers to see). But this is a short, edited version of my reality. And, as much as I don't want to admit it, in most situations I am a coward. I fear not being perfect. I fear not writing the right words. I fear not being the most fashionable blogger of all (which, ahem, I am not). I am afraid of failure almost as much as I'm afraid of success. I fear what I can't do will keep me from what I can do.  And then I become terrified of "well, what can I do?" Success, no matter how you define it, can be terrifying, possibly more so than failure. But to every thing I fear, which is a few phobias short of literally everything, I bid you farewell. You've done nothing but hold me back.

To this year and every year hereafter, I not only pledge to be fearless I pledge to fear less. I will not be afraid of my inabilities nor afraid of my abilities. I will not be afraid of failure or of success. I will not be afraid to be perfectly flawed or completely imperfect. I will not be afraid of life, no matter how big and scary or small and dull it may be. I will be fearless.

Here's to 2011 and all you may bring.

Bring it on.